Quotes of the month by the great Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.